"Just be yourself" is bad advice

I’ve been on hundreds of coaching calls in the last year, and it usually goes something like this:

I check out their content before we get on the call, and I think something along the lines of “This person seems a little dry. I wonder why they reached out to me, a weirdo?”

And 90% of the time, within literally 30 seconds of talking to them I get a TOTALLY different impression of them than what I see from their LinkedIn/YouTube content.

They’re animated, it’s fun to talk with them, their expertise is VERY obvious and impressive, and I get why they reached out to me:

They’re WAY more interesting than what they’re showing in their content!

(in other words, they’re weird just like me)

So I almost always say the same thing: “Your content just needs to feel like this Zoom call we’re on. Do that, and you’re good.”

But doing that isn’t as easy as throwing out platitudes like “Just be yourself!”

It’s deeper than that:

You need to unlearn all the years of programming about what you’re “allowed” to say and how you’re “supposed to” act.

Talk like you actually talk

Throw out the “professional” language you think you’re supposed to use. Nobody wants you to talk like an email from HR informing you of yet another mandatory training.

This can be uncomfortable for some people because they’ve internalized all the years of programming from school, work, family etc.

But think about it. What is the actual risk here?

→ There is none.

Who the fk is going to be turned off by you talking like a normal human?

Not a single person has ever said:

“I was gonna work with her, but then she made a joke in one of her LinkedIn posts… No thanks, we try to keep things humorless around here.”

Say what you actually think

You don’t have to add a million disclaimers, qualifications, etc to soften your opinions. You can just say it.

And if you’re worried about what people will think, don’t be.

You aren’t trying to please everyone. You just need to connect with the people who DO align with you.

→ If you think annual reviews are a sick Kafka trap, say it!

→ If you think HR are professional snitches, say it!

(can you tell how I feel about HR? 😅)

Yeah, some people won’t like it. But so what? For every person who doesn’t like your message, there will be 10 or 100 more who love you for saying what they’re thinking but are scared to say.

And also:

It just feels fking good to speak your mind and put more truth out into the world!

Let yourself be imperfect

If you’re making videos, it’s ok if there are filler words, stumbles, etc. Nobody expects or even WANTS you to be perfect.

TV news anchors are “perfect.” They’re robots who never make a mistake.

And nobody likes or trusts them, because guess what? Real people aren’t perfect.

If you’re writing on LinkedIn, don’t worry about getting all your grammar, punctuation, etc exactly right. Nobody gives a fk.

(and feel free to ignore the grammar police who show up to tell you that ACKSHUALLY, IT’S ‘FEWER’ NOT ‘LESS’ 🤓)

Perfection is boring.

You don’t have to be boring!