I was in probably 500+ meetings with the CEO of Abercrombie & Fitch. He was hands-on with the product to an insane level- for example, he would literally look at the color of yarn used to make the drawstring of a hoodie. To call him a perfectionist or a control freak would be the understatement of the century.

We'd present product or marketing concepts to him for his feedback almost every day (or twice a day if things were going really badly), typically with 5-20 other people who were doing the same thing.

Usually, the room would be full of people glazing him and agreeing with everything he said… but sometimes a brave soul would raise their hand and disagree.

They'd tell him his idea wouldn't work or that we should start over on a product design. The whole room would be on edge expecting him to get pissed, but after he listened patiently, if they made a good point he'd just calmly say “I think you’re right. Let’s start over.”

He never got mad or frustrated. The opposite: he was happy that somebody was pushing the team to be better.

(for the record, I’m not endorsing his character outside of this interaction - lots of very disturbing things have come out about him)

And thinking back on it, that's the same thing I've seen with all the most successful consultants and agency founders I know: They just want to get better.

For example, Chase Jarvis is the most successful person I know (shot campaigns for Nike, Apple, Samsung, was a brand ambassador for Polaroid alongside Lady Gaga, etc) - and I can't think of a single time in the 20+ years I've worked with him that he got defensive.

To use a fancy psychology word for it, I’d say they’re low ego- they can hear tough feedback without getting butthurt defensive.

They'd rather know the truth, even if it's not fun to hear in the moment, than have people stroke their ego at the cost of actually improving.

Compare that with the people I like to call askholes: the ones who constantly ask for help/advice, but when you give it to them, they get defensive, argue with everything you tell them and never do anything with it.

I can think of a few people like this- some of them are people I’ve known for years. They keep asking me for help with the same questions, I keep giving them the same answers, and they never do anything with it.

Guess how much progress they've made?

If you said zero, you'd be right. They're still beating their head against the same wall because they won't listen.

Btw, by FAR the most common version of this is people who come to me stressing because business is slow. They ask me for advice, and I tell them to do outreach because it’s almost always the fastest path to revenue. I walk them through how I’d do it, give them a pep talk to help them feel more confident…. and then they do nothing, because they’re afraid to send a few DMs/emails 🤷

I’m not sure what they expect to happen… are new clients supposed to just show up on their doorstep, hand-delivered by the agency fairy godmother?

But ANYWAY… I’m getting sidetracked.

Here’s my recommendation:

Seek out difficult feedback

The closest thing I can think of to a cheat code is to find people who will tell you the truth and listen to them.

Make a habit of asking for their honest, unfiltered feedback on the critical parts of your business:

→ Your positioning
→ Your offers
→ Your pitch decks

It doesn't mean that everything they say is right. It might not be. But at least listen to it.

And if you feel yourself bristling and getting butthurt defensive, that's probably a sign that there's something there- it stings because it’s true.

For example, when I want to get 100% honest, challenging feedback on something, I send it to Justyna Ciecierska- if any of my thinking isn’t fully baked, she’ll (very nicely) force me to confront it.

And I know if I start arguing with her and explaining why she's wrong… that means she’s right 😅

My point:

This shit is hard. The only way to make it work is to be the best version of yourself that you can possibly be.

And no matter who you are, we all need to be pushed, and we all need help holding ourselves accountable.

When you're fortunate enough to get some honest, unfiltered feedback from someone who knows their shit, listen to it. It's that simple.

Don’t be an askhole 💩

PS - I have nothing to sell you because I don't have room for any new clients right now. BUT… I always love hearing from people, especially those of you who I've never talked with before. So if you like this email, please hit reply and say hi 👋